Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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