I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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