He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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