You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
All I want is dick and wine.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
