Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Randomize
