Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
