i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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