he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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