Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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