life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
