i can't believe i had my finger in that
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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