I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
