Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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