I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
