shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
