I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
We had to coat check the pizza.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
