oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Drake has all the answers
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
