i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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