i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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