I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
