Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
