you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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