Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
