we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
