my phone needs a breathalizer
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
