boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
