ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
