i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
