oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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