Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
