no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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