i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
