the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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