She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
How naked do you want me to be?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
