just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Randomize
