We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
