my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
