I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
