Sry I called you an 8
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
