Where did you get a picture of my penis
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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