i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
