hotel room ftw
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You ruined the universe
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
