I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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