but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
