I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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