the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
