I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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