Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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