I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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