By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
