Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
