im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
