here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
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and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
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we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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