i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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