I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Is Oprah even human
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
