you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
