I wish I only lived at night.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
