I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
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