I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
