I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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