Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
We left the knife in your bed.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
