carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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