it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
