Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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