i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
