doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
