ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
