Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
