We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
