UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
there was a trapeze. enough said
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I need a burrito and a hug.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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