So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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