Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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