WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
