so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
