i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
