i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
