The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
