i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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