I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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