I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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