We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
