No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
